Why sharing good deeds feels bad

Summary: New research shows that people often feel worse when they tell others about their good deeds than when they keep them private or talk about their personal achievements. In five studies, participants predicted more embarrassment and shame when sharing altruistic acts, in part because they feared appearing motivated by social credit.

This “do-gooder’s dilemma” is intensified on social media, where reputation concerns take on greater importance. Interestingly, participants believed that other people would feel much less negative about sharing similar good deeds, highlighting a mismatch between our own emotional expectations and how we imagine others feel.

Key facts

Emotional cost: People anticipate embarrassment and shame when sharing their own good deeds, especially online. Fear of reputation: Sharing altruism feels risky because people worry that it will seem selfish. Empathy gap: Participants think that others would feel better than them by sharing similar acts.

Source: Cornell University

Jerry Richardson, a doctoral candidate in psychology, was running into a grocery store on his way to dinner when a man outside the store asked him for some food. Richardson agreed and gave him $7 worth of groceries. The recipient was so grateful and Richardson felt so good about his gift that he thought about telling his dining companions about the experience.

But soon a sickening feeling took over her. Richardson decided not to tell his friends. And then he refrained from posting about his good deed on social media.

The experience prompted Richardson and her colleagues to investigate how people perceive the emotional cost of reporting one’s own good deeds and how they think others will feel if they do so, too.

Richardson is the lead author of the article “The Do-gooder’s Dilemma,” published in the November issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

His co-authors are Paul Bloom of the University of Toronto; and Shaun Nichols, Distinguished Professor of Arts and Sciences in Philosophy, and David Pizarro, professor of psychology, both in the College of Arts and Sciences.

In five studies, researchers showed that people believe they would feel worse if they told others about their good deeds, such as giving to those in need, than if they kept the news to themselves or told others about their personal accomplishments, such as getting a job promotion.

“It was a little surprising to learn that people are actually quite intuitive about themselves: They think they’re going to feel bad later,” Pizarro said.

In the studies, researchers asked several hundred people to remember a good deed and personal achievement they had done in the past, and how happy, proud, ashamed, and ashamed they felt about both acts.

Study participants were then asked to imagine how they would feel if they told a friend about these acts and how they would feel if they posted about them on social media.

Participants said they would feel more embarrassed and embarrassed telling their friends about their good deed and posting it on social media. But they would feel more proud and happy to share a personal achievement.

“Our suspicion is that people are just aware of the fact that if they talk about these good deeds that they’ve done, they might think they’re motivated by the social credit, the reputational boost that they would get,” Richardson said.

This explanation is consistent with the more extreme emotional punishment predicted by posting a good deed on social media compared to telling a friend, the team wrote in the paper.

“This could result in a dose of shame and/or shame that erases the warm glow of the altruistic act because the actors are aware of the reputational cost that may result,” they wrote.

The researchers also found a surprising result: Study participants believed that while they would feel bad about sharing their good deeds, others would feel much better than them.

That might be because it’s hard to really imagine other people’s experiences, Richardson said.

“We think that’s because we simply don’t have access to each other’s internal states that way,” he said. “Our simulations of their minds tend to be a little more superficial than ours.”

An additional takeaway from the work is that sharing stories of one’s own good deeds can be an unwise way to show others our moral character, Richardson said, and telling everyone about our good deeds could make us feel worse.

“Oscar Wilde might be right. He said the nicest feeling in the world is doing a good deed anonymously and having someone know about it.”

Editorial notes:
– This article was written by a Neuroscience News editor.
– Magazine article reviewed in its entirety.
– Additional context added by our staff.

Key questions answered:

About this psychology research news.

Author: Ellen Leventry
Source: Cornell University
Contact: Ellen Leventry – Cornell University
Image: Image is credited to Neuroscience News.

Original research: Open access.
“The do-gooder’s dilemma: A self-other asymmetry in the perceived emotional costs of self-evaluation of good actions” by Jerry Richardson et al. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology

Abstract

The do-gooder’s dilemma: A self-other asymmetry in the perceived emotional costs of reporting good deeds.

Recent research in which people are encouraged to share stories of their own charitable giving on social media suggests that such sharing facilitates perceptions of prosocial norms and increases charitable giving.

However, we predicted that sharing could also generate unforeseen emotional costs, diminishing the “warm glow” of altruism.

In 5 pre-registered experiments (N = 2840), participants reported that they would feel worse about sharing their own good deeds compared to their achievements, and substantially worse about sharing these stories on social media (compared to telling a friend or not sharing them).

In contrast, participants reported that others would feel better (i.e., less embarrassment and shame, more happiness and pride) after reporting their own good actions.

These studies suggest that people believe that (1) reporting their own good actions will make them feel worse and (2) others will not suffer similar negative feelings.