Ellie Andrew has been left with a spinal cord injury and needing a wheelchair after she jumped from a multi-storey automobile park when she was 19
Right here, the 23-year-old, from Lincolnshire, shares her story to focus on one thing that folks feeling suicidal might not at all times realise – that makes an attempt to take your individual life can lead to life-long incapacity and power ache.
She tells how the love of her household and mates helped spur her to get better.
I can barely keep in mind a lot concerning the day I jumped. I’d struggled with my psychological well being for many of my teenage years and had been out and in of hospital. Medical doctors had identified with me with despair, anxiousness and an consuming dysfunction and I used to be taking anti-depressents. I’d made a number of makes an attempt to take my very own life earlier than, however this was essentially the most critical.
I’d been combating my temper and I felt manic. I’d been speaking quick and couldn’t sleep. Simply earlier than the day it occurred, surprisingly, I felt I used to be doing OK on the time however then I had a nasty day. I can’t recall why however I felt near the sting. I went to A&E earlier that day and informed them I used to be struggling. Regardless of this, I wasn’t stored in. If I’d have been sectioned, I could not have been on this wheelchair as we speak.
I can barely keep in mind my thought course of then; I wasn’t pondering straight in any respect and it’s all such a blur. I simply keep in mind going to the highest of the multi-storey automobile park and feeling like I’d be free from the turmoil I used to be in by leaping.
I can’t keep in mind my physique hitting the ground. I do know I wasn’t unconcious. There should have been folks round me and sirens, however I’ve no reminiscence of any of it. The paramedics gave me a bunch of ache meds together with ketamine which made me really feel actually spaced out and woozy.
Subsequent factor I knew I awakened in a hospital mattress. I’d survived. I didn’t know the way I felt about that. Half relieved, half disenchanted, maybe. I simply knew I couldn’t transfer and I used to be scared for my future.
I’d damaged my neck, again, pelvis, each legs and lots of different bones and significantly broken my spinal cord. I used to be on a cocktail of medication and once they wore off I couldn’t transfer with out the ache searing via my physique.
My mum and pa got here to see me and, seeing the ache and anxiousness on their faces, I felt so responsible about what I used to be placing them via. I’ve two brothers and two sisters they usually had been all so frightened and upset.
I noticed how a lot what I’d executed had damage my household and mates, and that spurred me on to get higher. It wasn’t nearly me
I confronted an especially lengthy highway to restoration, and I used to be warned that I could not stroll once more. It was actually powerful, mendacity in a hospital mattress, for days on finish, nonetheless feeling low after which attempting to course of that I could not absolutely get better.
I spent six-and-a-half months in hospital, having each day physiotherapy and occupational remedy. Daily, the medics urged me to strive lifting my legs to construct my power and finally to face up and take steps.
It could have been simple to have given up. However I noticed how a lot what I’d executed had damage my household and mates, and that spurred me on to get higher. It wasn’t nearly me.
Again dwelling we needed to adapt to a brand new regular. Mum and Dad I’m certain had been scared to depart me alone in case I tried suicide once more. I feel my household struggled with feeling responsible – that in some way they might have stopped me leaping – however in fact it was nobody’s fault.
It was arduous getting used to having my independence taken away. Initially I wanted assist with each day duties, dressing myself and making meals. I can solely stroll very quick distances as a result of I’m so unstable on my ft. I get about the home with out a chair, however want one for going exterior. I endure with power ache and want plenty of treatment to deal with that.
I used to be in the midst of my A-levels after I tried suicide and by no means completed them. I had needed to be a paramedic and now that dream is shattered. It’s been actually arduous seeing all my mates stay a traditional life, going off to college and going out ingesting and clubbing.
The chair I’ve at current is simply too small and too heavy for me to place out and in of vehicles with out assist from different folks so I hope to purchase a light-weight one that may enhance my independence. I hate to ask folks for assist, however chairs are costly (the one I would like is £5,000) and so I’ve began a GoFundMe marketing campaign.
I nonetheless battle with my psychological well being, however I’m attempting to get higher and acquire some independence again. I’ve set myself the objective of changing into an emergency name handler. I’d love to have the ability to assist folks once they most need assistance, similar to the emergency providers had been there for me.
While you’re combating suicidal ideas you don’t actually take into consideration the truth that you could possibly survive and find yourself with a incapacity. You simply wish to escape the ache you’re in. If anybody studying that is going via a troublesome time, I hope what’s occurred to me kis a warning. I’d urge them to talk to somebody. Assist and assist is on the market.
To donate to Ellie’s wheelchair fund, click on right here.
If you happen to need assistance, name the Samaritans any time of day on 116 123 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.